Hey Look! Another Post!

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Hello Lovelies!!!

So, the end of the year is here, we’re down to counting days or hours even before the end.  I’ve always liked New Year’s, endings, beginnings, old stuff is gone, we made it one more year!  I like to take stock of the year, so very much happens in one year’s time.

I never really like to think in terms of good year-bad year. Certainly some are better than others, some are smoother, uneventful, some are exciting, not always for the better…  But as I get older, I just like to look at what has happened, the good and the bad together. When you’re in the middle of the bad, it seems like forever, but looking back over the year…things are different.

This was a big year for me. I started this blog, got past, kind of, my hangups about not having anything to say that someone would read.  And look at me, some of you DO read what I write!  Kisses.  And I’ve tried to stay pseudo-regular with it, and will try to do so next year…YES, I will be continuing on next year!  I’m going to try to go back to a once a week posting, even if there’s “nothing” to post.  

I made a lot of bigger dolls this year too!  Medusa is 18″ long, Rachel is 12″ tall, and the Clay golem is 18″ tall.  There were a couple of 10″ Cthulhus, and Blue was more than 9″ tall, as well.

Image1037     Image1377     clay golem

Image697     Image2553

I stretched myself,  always trying to make things look more like the image in my head, or the image I’m working from.  Calvin and Hobbes made me work.  They’re so popular, they have a specific look, so they couldn’t just be a blonde boy in a red shirt with a tiger, they had to look “right.”  Samara, too, was a very intense doll to make. I sewed all her wee hairs in by hand, AND I really did want her to look as creepy and close to Samara Morgan as I could get her.

Calvin and Hobbes by Kim's Sticks and Strings     1SamaraMorgan

I learned to  do a thread joint on bear legs, and  have come up with my own skull pattern that I like to use, very good for sugar skulls.

AshCareBear,Kim's Sticks and Strings     skullgrinchcollage

There were some less than wonderful things. It took me half the year to find a job. I DO really like my job, so I’m pretty ok with it all now, but it did take forever, it seemed.  My husband did go to the hospital for about a week for depression and anxiety.  It seems like forever ago, but it was at the end of September. He’s taking his meds, and while they may not be perfect, they’re going pretty well for him right now.  I’m so very happy things weren’t worse for him, or that he didn’t really need to be gone for any longer, I was a bit of a wreck while he was gone. Onward.

I’m so very very glad for all the connections I’ve made over the last year. I have made some very wonderful, supportive friends, you know who you are, and I just adore knowing you! In a perfect world we could all get together somehow, but I appreciate you sharing your lives with me.  I have also become closer to some friends who I’d made before 2013, people who helped talk me through the bad times, and made me smile and laugh all year long. I feel so very lucky to know such wonderful people. You are my friends, my support, comic relief, my muses, the thoughtful people who know just what to say, people who make me think, and dream.  I thank you all.

So, what do I want for this year?   I’m still more than happy to help people realize their dreams, sometimes, very creepy, in yarn. I’m hoping to learn to build in some time to create some dolls I’ve been thinking about, and to make some more sugar skulls.

I’m hoping the job continues to be as cool and fun as it is now. I, and the husband, would like for him to have a job; he’s had some very promising interviews, so he’s just playing the waiting game.

I will work being more mindful, on self-acceptance, and remembering to cherish my loved ones every day, our time here is so fleeting.

I will get back to reading more regularly– I read every day I was off the last week, it was fantastic!  And there will be more contests this year with spawn for the prize! Maybe not story contests, I’d like to try to switch it up!!!  OH, and YARNBOMBING!!!  Yes, more of that!!!

So here’s a picture of the last spawn I will have finished for 2013.  I wanted to create something I’d not had an order for, just start making and see what happened. I started this faery… he was very therapeutic, and so much fun. More things like this will happen in the new year.  So here is Gorman, the Water Sprite, my last finished spawn for the year. He’s already got a  home, I’m so happy, and will be making his way there starting New Year’s Eve.

waterspritecollage

Keep it creepy, my lovelies!!!

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My not so blog-worthy life…

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Hello dear ones.  It’s been a long time, I know. Going to try to give you the gist of what’s been going on.

Last time was the  Halloween contest, which was fantastic!  If you haven’t read the Halloween stories, up top of my blog there are titles, one says “My Halloween Contest”–that’s all the entries for my contest.  The winner, Fatima, won my green Franken-monster. I just got a picture of Fatima and Frank, they look happy together!!!

Since then, I’ve finished my Ash CareBear.  Just in case it doesn’t ring a bell, he’s patterned after this CareBear drawying by yayzus

Evil_Dead_Ash_care_bear_by_4unt3r     AshCareBear,Kim's Sticks and Strings

He’s about 12″ tall standing, but he can sit as well.   His bloody chainsaw and “boomstick” are made of polymer clay, but the rest is yarn/thread.  I really enjoyed making him, I really do love the different things folks ask me to make.  I shared him with the deviantART artist, he dug him!

Also working on a skull pattern, one that can be closed or left open.  I’ve only made one, and she was a learning experience, but I decided she was cool enough that I needed her to be my first sugar skull of my own entire design.  Here she is

my sugar skull, Kim's Sticks and Strings

 

Definitely a learning experience, now I need to make a few changes, and make sure to sew in the eyes before closing the bottom.   This skull pattern has been eluding me for awhile, which bothers me.  I can make an Ash CareBear in a few days’ time but the skull keeps me at a distance. Partly because I’ve been wanting to create one that can be left open, or close it, maybe that’s harder to do.  Also, I’ve been fighting with stylistic and realistic.  At some point I want to make a realistic looking skull. I just know it will be a big labor of love, and then I probably won’t want to stuff it.  Realistic skull on the back burner, I’m sure it will take me a few weeks once I start it…back burner for sure.

Regular old life is keeping me on my toes, I guess.    Near the end of September, my husband, who has always had some anxiety and depression issues, but to the extent I did not know, really started to feel more hopeless.  He’s been out of work for a bit, and things haven’t felt quite right for him.  One Wednesday, while at work, I got a call from him, saying that he’s been feeling really down lately, and in the last day or so, didn’t have too many reasons to stick around.  For many years, he’s said I was the thing keeping him going at it day in and day out.  He didn’t want me to come home and find him.  But very recently, he’d had a harder time.  He went into the ER, and was there Wednesday afternoon through Friday night.  The doctors tried to get him to sign out, take home some light anti-anxiety meds, and call it good.  He still wasn’t convinced that he felt “better” and so went into an inpatient facility from Friday night through Monday.  There he got to see a doc, and a therapist daily, and was prescribed stronger meds, with a regular schedule.  Right now he’s on Klonapin,  twice a day,which is pretty strong, and Zoloft.  He’s not a fan of the Zoloft, he says it makes him feel a bit edgy, and he thinks his panic attacks have increased since being on it…there have been a few, usually when I’m not with him.  Then he takes something to help calm him, and that makes him sleepy.  He’s still getting used to the meds, though I’m hoping they’ll decrease the Klonapin a bit, he’s always has a hard time staying focused on some tasks, but lately he’s having more of the issues with walking into a room for something, and completely losing his original intent.  It’s bothering him some.

I’ve avoided dealing with it for over a month now.  It’s really easy to do.  I just get involved with day to day stuff, job 3 times a week, my crochet orders, and regular chores.  If I just stuff it away, I won’t have to really think that at one point, my husband could have decided that he wouldn’t maybe feel quite as bad if I found his body.  I didn’t know it was that bad.  He isn’t exactly forthcoming about that stuff,  emotions and feelings and whatnot.   He comes from an original family with issues, his mum shouldn’t have been a mum, his parents had problems and divorced, and his mother did what many do, threw all her rage for her husband at my husband.  She’s terrible, I’ve met her and dislike her to my core.  So, he’s got anxiety, which he used to stave off by extreme mountain biking, long ago, but after breaking his heel, that’s really not an option. He used to fish more, I think he needs that outlet again, probably next year since it’s already fall now.    He says a job will help, though with the meds, I worry.  He’s got an interview for a gig in a couple days, the commute is 2 1/2 hours, one way.  I don’t know how I feel about it, but he wants to try, so of course I’ll let him.

Daily I worry.  Some days I come home and the house is clean, and dinner is nearly ready, and he feels good.  We message back and forth, and it’s a good day.  Other days he tells me it’s an “Everyone Can Go Fuck Themselves” day, he’s struggled to get a few things done, and says he feels like an 8 year old who wants to run away.   I just have to take each day as it comes, and it’s hard.  I go to work before he’s offiically awake, so I never know what to do to try to ensure it’s a good day, and I know I can’t, but I so want to try.  And I’m tired.  I am trying really hard not to worry, but it’s what I do.  I’ve always been a worrier.  As a child I worried if what I did would cause my mother to yell, now I worry I haven’t been upbeat enough. I know rationally my worrying can’t do anything, except give me the headaches and neckaches I’ve had for a few weeks now,  but it’s something I’ve done all my life.  I’ve worried all my life about how my actions would affect/anger others, and changed myself because I was worried what could happen.  And I’m tired of it.  Other people seem to get through the day without worrying, hell, without caring at all how their actions affect others.  There has to be a happy medium for me.

Through all this, I have had a few friends that knew all about this, and I am SO thankful for them.  Just being able to say things to someone else is a relief.    I feel a bit eggshell-y at home sometimes, so my friends who help me through this are amazing.  I love you all, you know who you are!  Hell, my boss’ mum gets lots of love though this too!!!  Not only was she at work the day the husband called me and went to the hospital, but she asks every couple of days about him, lets me vent, and is very lovely!  The most amazing individual is my dog Penny Crane.   She seems to know when he’s having a hard time.  He usually goes to his bed and covers up, she goes to him, and lies next to him .  She’s the one individual he will attend to daily.  She kind of demands it.  She wants to play ball, like…every minute she is awake.  BUT, when she senses he needs it, goes and lies down with him, no matter the time of day, or how long.  She is amazing.  I love her very much.

PennyCrane and Brainy

 

So…this is what has been keeping me from blogging.  None of my work was really blog-worthy, really, in my head.  I wasn’t outraged by anyone stealing or being rude.   And my husband was having some emotional troubles and dealing with it all is hard.  Still is.  I cried while writing this entire blog. and while I know that I really need to deal with it more, I’m kind of tired of blowing my nose, and wiping my tears.  I’m hopefully done crying today, though some of you usually comment, so I’ll cry again. But it’s the weekend, and I don’t want to cry on my days off.   So know you’ll probably hear more about this.  Right now I’m gonna get some more coffee and put on a horror flick, try to get lost in yarn…

Keep it creepy!!!

Late Post, I Know…

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Hello Lovelies! I know that I usually post on Monday, but I didn’t really have anything…

Last week I was supposed to take a series of tests and do my last interview before getting that job.  Everything was looking good, and then they took my blood pressure… the nurse asked if I was stressed in any way. I know I looked at her with attitude, and she kind of giggled.  No…I”m not stressed. I”m unemployed, have been for a bit, husband is now looking for work…other things, random free-floating anxiety… No, I’m fine.  Though last year when I went to the doc to get my new prescription for birth control, they mentioned my blood pressure was high, and they made me lie there for 15 minutes in the dark and then take it again, before leaving with meds… And my mother was hypertensive…both of these things I told the nurse. BUT I hadn’t had coffee that morning so it should be better. She asked me to lie down in the dark and think relaxing thoughts (it was 148/90 the first time).  To START the test, a person’s blood pressure has to be below 130/80, sitting up.

So I laid there, in the dark, trying to think relaxing thoughts, which is completely not something I do well. I just started trying to focus on slowing my pulse, which was racing, and making my exhalations longer than my inhalations. The nurse came back quietly, and asked me to sit up slowly, which made me feel worse than I had been, but I did it, and it was lower, 144/83.  Still not good enough to  take the test, but she thought if I got into the surroundings I needed to test in, maybe something would be ok…AND I had to take the test after being upright a bit.  So we walked into the other room, and she told me just to relax and people watch, and just try to do some deep breathing… just her telling me to relax was stressing me out by now.  About 15 minutes later, the nurse came back, and gave me that smile that is supposed to be reassuring, and said “I hope you had relaxing thoughts!”  Apparently I didn’t. My blood pressure was 153/93.  They couldn’t test me. I did have to go back 2 days later to get my Tb test read, so I could try again.

I drove myself  home, determined to hold it together, and I did.  I cried walking into the house, but I was good while driving.  Told my husband the story, while looking up “lower blood pressure” on the interwebs.  I found all the things I could eat, and wrote down a small list of stuff to get, and decided I was gonna do it the more natural way… I chewed on garlic cloves, drank cranberry juice, ate garlicky, cayenne peppery food, and took magnesium, calcium, and hawthorn berry. And had no caffeine. And tried to think relaxing thoughts. HA!

Friday morning rolls around, I tried to get a good night’s sleep, and at some point decided that knowing that I was unhealthy was more important than anything else…  I got to the office and was seen pretty quickly. I”m negative for Tb, yay.  Then they took my blood pressure, 148/89.  This time the nurse said “I’m going to give you one more chance, I’ll let you lie here in the dark for a few minutes and see if you can just calm a bit.  She was gone for 20 minutes this time, she thought I needed a few extra minutes.. What I’d needed were hours…it went up to 153/90.    The nurse said she’d have to send in the results for the test, and maybe my job would let me get my blood pressure taken care of, and try again.

When I got home, I instantly called the last doctor I saw when I had insurance, he was our doctor for a few years, and knew our history. Luckily the office visits weren’t as much as I’d thought, and got an appointment for Tuesday, and emailed the  company of the job I was trying to get, to find out what I could do. It was Friday afternoon, so I’d be waiting for a bit… I kept my caffeine intake down, tried to go for walks and not stress.  The weekend was pretty uneventful, and so was Monday,  no call from the company, but Mondays can be busy.  Tuesday rolls around, and I go see Dr Zheng. I got in quickly, they took my blood pressure and I got into a room to talk to the doc pretty quickly. I like him, he straight talks me and is just nice.  My bp was 148/86, which wasn’t too high, but my heart rate was pretty elevated, and I was just resting, so a bit troubling.  Now I”m on Atenolol, and I go back for a check up in a month.  THEN as I was leaving the doc’s office, the company called.  They need someone to start NOW, not hopefully in a few weeks, AND since I had such a high bp without meds, they don’t want to chance me having that job, where I might have to be maneuvering  an adult larger than myself, if not larger, and maybe my  meds were off a bit… they’re covering themselves, but I understand, and would definitely not be ready to push myself so very quickly.  I was also told that when I got my health in order, there are other positions with the company that if they ever come up I could apply for.

So I’ve taken my first med, my heart rate is noticeably slower, and it’s not pounding.  It will be cool not to have my ears pounding when I go to bed tonight. I”m supposed to give it a couple days before driving by myself, but that’s ok.

So I’m still working on my clay  golem, I”ll put up a bunch of pictures for my next blog post. I”m sure this was the most boring post, but it’s been on my mind non-stop for a week now, so it’s nice to have a bit of resolution, even though not what I’d hoped for.  But, it’s not all that bad, AND I’ll be healthier… which is cool because I gotta KEEP IT CREEPY!  (and so do you!)