Work…and life…

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Hello Lovelies!  Nearly didn’t post anything, Not a lot of supreme wonderfulness of late.

Zombies Lucy and Ricky were sent away AND have reached their home, I’m sure pictures will happen soon, I will share.

The old guy at work, who I would routinely spend about 30 minutes of “fixit” time cleaning up messes from,  has quit.  He’s not really well, and is contemplating surgery next month, and would be gone…for a bit. So he quit.  The last 2 weeks he’s been out, so I’ve had to take an extra day.  Now I don’t work full time, only 3 days a week. but it’s a nice schedule.  I work Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, occasionally taking an extra shift, or switching shifts, so my boss and her family could go off for a day… or for when she had her baby and I had to mind the shop a couple extra days.

Lately, MY life has given me some extra stress, so my fuse has been shorter.  Then, at work, I have to listen to so many stories, most sad, and many completely true, about how the customer’s lives have changed terribly, and they can’t pay their bills, but want their stuff, so why can’t I just take the lock off their stuff and be a human being… that last part was exaggerated, but there have been some customers who’ve not only lied, but said quite rude things. I’d say on an average day, I have to listen to between 5 and 10 stories about bills, family members in the hospital, car troubles, emergencies, and the like.  Some people are routinely having crises.  Some days, I just don’t have the ability to listen to all those stories, and then clear my mind when I get home, and try to create. One day a customer completely lied to me, then to my boss, and I just couldn’t pick up a hook, I was still so mad.  But, it’s ok, I’ve got 4 days of to do errands, chores, hang out with my husband and critters, AND to find the right mood and create. I really am so very happy, when I create.  But I’ve worked 4 days the last 2 weeks. Doesn’t sound like much of a difference, but there were appointments and early days, and one less day when I could “find my place.”

Life has been hectic lately. Lots of ups, and even more downs.  It’s just the way it is.  When I’m at home, with my husband and critters, I’m at least more at ease, even when things are crazy and up in the air. I can even manage to find the right mood, go to that place on the edge of reality, and create. I get lost and just work, and I love it.  Not being able to find that place, or even feel like I could go there, feels like I’m choking.  It probably sounds hyperbolic, and maybe I’m super over-dramatic.  It could be because for so many years, I didn’t have a way to creatively express myself as I do now, I feel like I’m making up for lost time.  I feel like I need to catch up. It’s frustrating.

At work, both weeks, on my 4th day of work, when I just wanted to get out, my boss would ask, “How’s your day at work?” And I’d just say “fine.”  She wanted more I would guess. “Just fine?”  I’d tell her that I said I’d help out, didn’t mean I had to be super happy about it.  Then I told her that I’d really prefer to try to stay to my 3 day a week schedule. I told her why, that lately, my life has been hectic, and work has too.   I said that I couldn’t always create after work, so I kind of missed that time.  I was feeling more stress, and I didn’t like how it felt.  She said ok.

Sunday morning, on my day off, at 7:30 am, the boss texts me to tell me that the old guy has finally quit, and that she needs me to be at work Thursday through Saturday, since they will be out of town. I text “ok, thanks,”  Yes, I was up, and awake, but didn’t want to get into a conversation.  Then another text, “if you change your mind about working extra hours since it’ll sure help.”  *hit head on table* Nothing like an extra bit of guilt on a Sunday morning.  I’d told her the day before that I didn’t mind a 4 day week every other week, but I just didn’t want to commit to 4 days indefinitely. She’d given me a puzzled look, and said “it’s not that much, you just shrug off the stories.”  Sadly, for me right now, it does feel like that much more, since I can’t quite shrug off the stories “just like that.”  But still, since I didn’t text back immediately “Oh I’ll totally help all you need” I feel like a big jerk.  But I’ve done that before.  I’ve had jobs where I offered to help out extra, and was taken advantage of.  It became the norm. I also know I’ve had jobs that I grew tired of, but because I don’t like job hunting, I just kept at it, and ended up dreading going to work every day.  I don’t want to end up with this job feeling that way as well.  Still feel like a jerk, but I can’t text her today.  Maybe I need a day or two off together to clear my head, and then I’ll re-offer 4 days a week every other week.

But not yet.  Today, I need a day off, and to not have to think about that, I want to be able to create more…

Keep it creepy